The Angst in Goodbye
by tivaisseasonten
Summary: After Paige and Mike's angsty breakup Mike had moved on. Now that he is married, working at the FBI office in DC and has a four year old daughter he should be able to forget the blonde who broke him, but fate has a funny way of working things out. Pike Endgame. Also published on Tumblr.
1. Chapter 1

/You never really stop loving someone. You just learn to live without them/ -Anon

They hadn't burned out like they'd thought they were going to. They both had entered the risqué relationship thinking they'd be a slow burn, a slowly dimming light, and eventually they assumed one of them would be moved or killed and their light would flicker a bit and then fade away.

Oh god how Paige wished that was how it had ended.

Their candle had burned brightly for months, their fights never enough to cause the strong flame to flicker, and then, just like that, their candle had exploded into fireworks. Anger and passion combusted together and the flame didn't flicker or dim, it was blown out by Paige's sobs and Mike's tears. Their bright and steady light had disappeared in a flash as Mike had spiraled into darkness and Paige continued to fight him at every turn. Their love, their love, Paige believed, was gone. And just like that she had given up Mike's location. And within a few hours he was flat-lining in a hospital bed, all because of her. Damn, how their candle had burned them to pieces.

Mike woke up. Paige had been praying for him to forgive her, a tiny piece of her still believed in their love and was still rooting for them. Oh how she wished he would welcome her with open arms, and she tried not to think about how much she had missed Mike's firm embrace and musky scent, but the thoughts were intoxicating. Mike knew. He knew she had given him up, so when she had tiptoed into the hospital room in the dark of night he had sat up and stared his icy blue eyes into hers and told her that he would never stop loving her. She had rushed towards him, he had shook his head when she tried to pull him to her,

"No Paige." He had whispered, "I never stopped loving you, but you stopped loving me."

"I never stopped Mike, I swear." She had pleaded,

"I know you gave up my position, you're the reason I'm here right now. I'll never stop loving you Paige but I will never be able to forget what you did." His voice had wavered, and she saw tears in his eyes, she dipped her head towards his and kissed him softly,

"I know, that's why this is the last time you'll ever see me." She whispered into his ear as she broke the kiss, "Good-bye Levi." And she had walked out.

She made it only a few steps outside the door before she broke down, sobs wracking her entire body as she slid down the white wall, burying her face in her hands and letting herself break.

Mike was discharged a week later, she thought maybe he'd come back to Graceland while she was there, and maybe she would be able to see him again, but whenever he had come he had left before she had even known he was there. On her pillow she found a envelope addressed to her in Mike's loopy scrawl, she didn't open it, instead she clutched it in her hands and retired to her room to cry once again.

Mike made it back to DC in a few hours time, his cozy apartment no longer felt like home, without her, without the one woman he would never stop loving. For a second he wondered if he had made the wrong decision by letting her go, but that thought was too painful, and he dismissed it from his thoughts.

Not all love stories have happy endings.

That's what he had told himself as he pushed through his mundane life at the FBI. Thanks to internal injuries, he was on desk duty for the foreseeable future, and eventually, after almost a two years of torture he stopped thinking about her every second of every day. Perhaps that's why he had met Sarah, a kind-hearted talkative brunette who worked as a receptionist at the front desk of the FBI office. Perhaps that's why, when she told him two months later that she was pregnant, he hadn't been upset but instead felt like his life was working out.

That's why when they'd recited their vows he hadn't slipped up and said Paige's name, and when the found out they were having a girl, and Sarah had recommended the name Paige he hadn't gone into hysterics. But god, every night, right before he closed his eyes she would come dancing into his head, their last kiss still replaying in his memory. Sarah had asked about his scars once before, and when he'd told her that he had been attacked undercover because his partner had given his location up, she'd looked horrified. That's why, when Sarah was deep in nesting syndrome, almost eight months along, she had come across a locked wooden box.

The lock had come unhinged quickly and what she saw took her breath away. There were pictures, of a blonde girl, some with her laying next to him, some of her on the beach. Wrinkled, old letters in girly handwriting were shoved beneath the photos, seashells that seemed to have some meaning to her husband were crammed in the box as well. The last thing she saw made her heart drop though, there, in the corner of the wood box, was a diamond ring and a name inscribed in the side of it.

Paige.

She couldn't remember her husband ever talking about a Paige, although she vaguely recalled him saying he'd had a girlfriend in California who was blonde. He hadn't mentioned that he'd bought her a ring, or that he had kept all the love letters and the photos from that period of his life. She placed her hand on her stomach, suddenly realizing that he hadn't told her anything about his past and making her incredibly uneasy. She was crying, partially because she knew she hadn't been his first true love, but mostly because she knew Mike was probably still torn up inside about this girl.

He'd chosen that moment to walk into the room, he saw her leaning over the box, it's contents strewn across the floor. "Don't touch that." He couldn't stop himself from demanding,

"Mike, who is she?" Sarah asked, wide eyed,

"Paige." He swallowed, "the one who gave my location away."

Sarah was flabbergasted, why would he keep memorabilia from a girl that had caused him to have long scars up and down his legs and heart issues that cause him to have trouble sleeping. "There's a ring here." She whispered, scared of his response,

"I loved her Sarah, we were partners at our work and we were together for a few months, seriously together. I left my girlfriend for her, she and I broke countless FBI and DEA rules by being together. But she was my everything. I made some bad decisions in a case and it caused someone she cared about to die, she and I fought for weeks before she gave up my location. I knew it was bad but I didn't think it was that bad." He looked at her as he told of his beautiful lover,

"Why did you keep her stuff, even when you're starting a whole new chapter of your life." Sarah asked, kind of angry he had kept this from her.

"I don't know why I kept her stuff." He lied, she looked at him darkly,

"You kept the stuff because you're still in love with her, you were going to marry her Mike. You don't just forget about someone like that." Sarah said quietly.

Six years, three months, two weeks and three days. That's how long it had been since he had seen her. He'd started his new family, his daughter Grace was 4, his marriage barely hanging on through the years. It was messy, they hadn't really know each other when they got married, and both of them had their share of dark secrets, and a relationship based off nothing often cracked. He loved his daughter though, he knew if they separated he could lose her and that he couldn't bare that thought.

On that sixth year, third month, second week and fourth day is when he'd heard the name he hadn't heard in over four years be spoken in the bullpen.

"Our DEA consultant Paige Arkin is here to assist you on the case Agent Warren." His director had told him. Mike had nervously twisted the wedding ring around his finger before heading toward his office where she was waiting. He thought about the pictures of Grace he had up in his office, knowing Paige she would have inspected the room when she had entered. When he saw her in the doorway his breath stopped. She was still as beautiful as he remembered, her blonde hair was much shorter though, and the years had added some worry lines to her face, she looked older yes, but she was still every bit as beautiful to him. She had a dark blouse on, tucked into dark slacks and her hands were nervously tapping at her side. She saw him then, all of what she had been dreaming about for the past six years. He was still broad and well built, he looked stressed, but he also looked put together (if only she knew how much he was falling apart) and judging by the pictures of the smiling brunette girl on his desk he had moved on.

"Agent Arkin." He nodded at her to sit down, he twirled the case file infront of her and watched as she tensed up at his cold attitude. She saw his ring when he slid her the packet,but something was off, there were no photos of his wife on his desk. She swallowed, and tried to discuss the case with him, but after awhile she couldn't handle it anymore.

"I can't do this." She announced he noticed she had tears pooling up in her eyes,

"Paige…" He said softly, and he quickly realized it was the wrong thing to say, tears came pouring down her face at the sound of his voice saying her name.

"God Mike I can't work with you like nothing ever happened, like we never broke each other's hearts, especially when you've clearly gotten over this while I've spent my last six years crying and drinking myself to sleep." She wiped her face and turned to leave,

"Paige please stay." He bided, forgetting about his crumbling marriage and this jeopardy game he was about to put himself in.

"That's not fair, you can't say that." She snapped, he could see the age in her eyes now, there was no sparkle or playful twinge as there had been years before.

"Please just, how about dinner tonight, to catch up?" He asked and she looked at him,

"What about your family?"


	2. Chapter 2

/Yes I've changed. pain does that to people./- Anon

His silence indicated to her that they were not to be brought into this matter, and that dinner tonight was more or less an order.

"I'll pick you up at 6 o'clock." He said briskly, walking past her and leaving her before she could argue with him. She sighed, this trip was going about as she had expected it to go.

Mike arrived to his suburban home, his wife, Sarah fuming over his late arrival.

"Mike you said you'd be home by 3." She accused as he walked in and set down his briefcase,

"I got caught up in a meeting." He replied, not making eye contact.

"You keep getting caught up in these damn meetings Michael! You can't just disappear on your family like that!" Sarah shouted, Mike turned to her, she saw he had been crying but she didn't acknowledge the fresh tear stains on her husbands face.

"Grace doesn't get home from preschool for another half hour, I'm not missing anything." He said sharply and she locked her jaw,

"I can't keep doing this Mike, we're destroying each other." She said quietly, he turned to look at her, she often would placate her attitude with him to try and make him feel bad.

"Maybe we should stop then. We both knew this was doomed from the start." He replied, looking at her,

"It was doomed from the damned moment I found that box." She snapped, he rubbed his forehead,

"I won't be home for dinner tonight, I have business plans with DEA." He ignored her statement,

"Another fucking night you won't be here to tuck Grace in! Congratulations Michael you've officially fucked over your entire family." Sarah bellowed, Mike felt only a smidge bad,

"I'll call her and tell her a princess story, plus you're out of town tomorrow and. I have time off to take care of her, I'm not abandoning my baby girl." He answered, walking out of the front door to get the mail. Sarah watched him go, and wondered how long they would make it like this, before he pulled out the divorce papers he'd been threatening for months.

Mike walked outside, the cold air burned his face and he walked towards the mailbox when a skipping brunette girl came pummeling towards him.

"DADDY!" She squealed, he immiedietly smiled, scooping her up and swinging her around in his arms.

"Hey baby girl how was school?" He asked as she clutched to his side,

"Daddy we learned about cops. I told them my daddy was like a cop but better." She grinned and he placed a kiss on her forehead,

"That's right Gracie, you know when daddy's out he's just protecting you right?" He felt bad about missing bedtime,

"I know daddy. Mommy doesn't know, she says you are a bad daddy, but it think you're the best daddy in the world." The innocent girl replied with a toothy smile, he pulled her closer, his wife's words stinging him,

"I'll never let you go baby girl." He turned and carried her back into the war-zone he called home.

Meanwhile, Paige paced in her hotel room, what was she supposed to wear? Nothing too date-like, but nothing casual, she finally settled on a black shift dress with a plunging neckline, dark pantyhose, and tall black boots. She applied her make up slowly, examining the lines that has since aged her. She ran her fingers through her short bob cut, remembering the day she had chopped it all off in order to forget the feeling of his fingers running through her long waves.

Mike desperately tried to find something to wear, he found, after an intense search, a black sweater, which he pul over a white button down and tucked into khaki pants. He sprayed cologne on himself, and almost made it out of the house without Sarah noticing.

"You're wearing a sweater to a meeting?" She asked incredulously,

"It's a dinner meeting, a sweater is fine." He replied, "Where's Grace?"

"She's in her room playing with her barbies, I told her we could call you tonight at bedtime so you could tell her a story before she went to sleep." Sarah answered,

"Also Sarah, if you could please refrain from telling my daughter that I'm a bad father that would be nice." He retorted as he walked to his daughter's pink bedroom.

Sarah rolled her eyes and went back to the dishes, knowing full well her husband was not going to a meeting with just anyone.

"Hey Grace, I'm about to go but I wanted a hug before I left." He cooed as he walked into the pink masterpiece, it had taken him two weeks to paint all the white stars at the top of the pink walls,

"Okay daddy! Have fun!" Grace sprung up from her seat by the Barbie house and gave him a tight hug, "I love you." She looked at him with a huge smile,

"I love you too baby girl." He kissed her forehead, gave her one last squeeze and then left the white house.

The knocking on her hotel room door interrupted her musing, when she opened it to reveal her ex, in a dark sweater and smelling like the scent that had been on her sheets for months after his departure, she bit her lip and forced a smile,

"Let's go." She said, closing the door behind her and following him back down the hall. They got to his black range rover, which was parked near her hotel, he opened the door for her, she slid in and he went to the other side. She saw a pink plush teddy bear on the floorboard, and picked it up right away.

"Oh sorry that's Grace's." He smiled and took it from her, placing it in the back seat, wondering if she had caught his daughters namesake,

"How old is she?" Paige asked softly, she was staring out the window as the car rolled down the darkened street,

"She's four." He replied, she could hear the joy in his voice,

"And your wife?" She asked,

"Um, that'd be Sarah." He answered again, aware of her uncomfortable tone,

"How long have you two been married?" She inquired,

"Uh 4 years. She and I got married after I got her pregnant." He explained and he felt the mood soften a little bit,

"She know you're out with an ex?" Paige wondered out loud,

"I wouldn't care if she did, things aren't exactly working out right now." He said quickly, wondering if he had overshared,

"Oh I'm sorry." She said, clearly not sorry at all.

"Don't be. How are you, how have you been?" He asked and she looked at him, reached in her pocket and thumbed a coin between her fingers,

"Six months sober." She sighed, clearly ashamed of herself,

"Paige..." He said softly, turning and looking at her, noticing she looked incredibly beautiful yet not complete.

"You left, and then..." She didn't know whether she should tell him what had happened exactly a week after he'd left, not wanting to relive the memory of laying in a pool of her own blood.

"And then what?" He asked, clearly concerned.

"Then I um, I..." She could feel the tears welling up in her eyes and her throat got incredibly dry,

"Don't cry." He begged softly, hating to see all the pain in her eyes,

"I was um," she paused, took a deep breath and restarted, "I was pregnant." She bit back tears, "and a week after you left, I uh lost it and," she regained her composure, " and that was that." She nodded painfully. Mike was looking at her with the most pained expression she'd ever seen, she didn't know if she should let the last detail drop,

"Paige..." He paused, trying to phrase his next question correctly, "was I?" He said softly, clearly upset by the whole conversation,

"Yeah." Paige nodded, wiping the tears from her face, and returning to the saddened silence of the car.

They pulled up to the restaurant when Mike's phone rang, his inner car speaker going on,

"Daddy! Story time!" A high pitched squeal asked,

"Of course baby girl which one?" He asked and Paige could picture the petite girl thinking over the choices,

"Can you tell me the story of Prince Levi and Princess Polly?" She asked, and Paige turned and locked eyes with her ex, recognizing the nick name she had given him years before,

"My pleasure!" He replied hoping Paige didn't find this whole situation weird, " Once upon a time, on a beach, in Prince Levi's palace, there was a big party! It was the princes best friend, Prince Jackson's birthday, and the whole castle had ordered balloons and cake and a big bouncy castle for his birthday. King Bobby and Queen Charlotte bought Prince Jackson a new chariot, but upstairs Prince Levi and Princess Polly were having a big fight. Prince Levi hadn't told Prince Polly the truth about his super secret mission and she was really mad with him. They yelled at each other for awhile, until Prince Levi told her why he had kept the secret from her, and Princess Polly made Prince Levi promise to always tell the truth to her, because we don't lie to people we love right Gracie?"

"Right daddy!" She piped and he chuckled,

"Goodnight baby girl." He said softly,

"Mommy says to have fun on your date daddy." The child said,

Mike paused for a second, before responding, "I will baby girl, I will." And he hung up.

Paige stared at him, she remembered the night they'd had that fight at Johnny's birthday years before, and the fact that he was still telling those stories meant he had to still care.

Dinner came quickly, and with that a barrage of questions,

"You look different," he commented on her hair with a lopsided smile,

"Pain does that to people." She replied, sighing and taking a sip of her water,

"I thought you'd be ok." He said quietly,

"Me too. But when you walk away from the person you love who's almost died because of you, it does something to you." She almost whispered,

"I'm sorry you had to do it alone." He replied,

"I'm sorry I made this whole mess." She quivered, he looked at the fragile blonde infront of him,

"I still have all of our pictures and your letters from when I first went to DC, before we came back." He offered, she looked up at him, tears in her blue eyes,

"I never read the one you left me. I couldn't bare the pain." She told him,

"I never stopped loving you Paige, there hasn't been a day that goes by where I haven't thought of you." He admitted, she looked up at him, daring him to continue, "You have no idea how hard I had to try to keep your name from slipping out when I got married, or when Sarah asked about the name Paige, how much I wanted to break down and cry. Or how badly i wanted to call you every single night."

"Mike you have a life here." She countered, that's when he pulled her too him, pressing his lips against hers, shutting her up, "Mike..." She whispered,

"I...I.." He stuttered,

"Kiss me again." She said softly, he obliged, the warm long forgotten familiarity of her lips making him feel giddy inside, the longer he held her in the restaurant, the more he was sure, when she'd walked away all those years ago it had been a mistake.

He came home nearing midnight, Paige's lipstick visible on his lips and a dark red hicky on his neck, he knew Sarah would know but judging by the earlier conversation with his daughter, she already did. He popped his collar just incase, tightening his scarf around his jacket and wiping the lipstick from his lips before he walked in. He knew if Sarah found out he would lose his daughter and he couldn't bare that thought. He walked in to a crying Sarah who had clearly been up waiting for him.

"Where were you until midnight!" She whisper yelled, aware their daughter was asleep in the next room,

"I had a meeting and it ran really late." He pulled off his gloves and set them on the counter and walked off to the spare bedroom, scarf still knitted tightly around his neck.


	3. Chapter 3

/ Just because I let you go doesn't mean I wanted to./ -Anon

He woke up the next morning with a developed love bite on his neck. Sarah had an early flight out and had dropped off Grace at preschool so he didn't have to face Sarah again, but Grace was his responsibility for the next week, and he would have to work from home, meaning Paige would likely be over at his home to work on the case. That scared him, he didn't want to pull her into the mess of his family but he also knew their encounter last night was not likely to be their only intimate one. Paige was liaison-ing for FBI for the foreseeable future, and that meant he would see her every day. He rolled out of bed and pulled on a button down and a suit, he tightened his tie and buckled his belt and was ready for his day. He walked into the office and right away he saw her. Her blonde bob was covering half her face, but she too was sporting a dark red hickey on her collar bone from their post dinner make-out session in his car, she had on a navy dress that scooped low on her neck and was tied at the waist, her gold badge changing around her neck. She smiled at him when he walked in, and he grinned back, sharing their secretive glance across the expansive bull pen. He walked into his office, settling in when his best friend Tyler came in.

"Dude nice." Tyler smiled, wavering his eyebrows and eyeing the mark,

"Is it noticeable?" Mike asked, he had been hoping it would go unnoticed,

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, getting it on with the missus." Tyler laughed at his buddy, Mike knew inside that it hadn't been Sarah's lips that had left the spot on his neck but didn't share the information instead pretending to ignore the question and continuing to put things in files. "Have you seen the new liaison?" Tyler questioned, Mike must've gotten red because Tyler chuckled and winked at his friend,"Don't worry man she's all yours, I won't even tell Sarah."

Mike cleared his throat, "Could you tell Paige I need her in here real quick?" He asked,

"In here." His friend joked and Mike waved the file in front of Tyler's face, who in turn beckoned the blonde agent to the office. Tyler must've noticed the hickey on Paige's neck too because his jaw dropped and he sent a questioning glance towards his friend who didn't meet his gaze, and instead started giving Paige details on the case. Tyler awkwardly backed out of the room, feeling intrusive.

"Did she get mad last night?" Paige asked as soon as Tyler left,

"She wasn't too happy about me being home so late." He admitted and Paige stifled an awkward laugh,

"Sorry?" She offered,

"Don't be sorry." He replied, smiling at her, feeling like a part of him was alive again.

"Does Agent Warren seem happier to you?" Agent Jarrod asked the table of lunch goers, Jess was still working there and sat there with them,

"Of course he's happy, his long lost girl is back." Jess scoffed and Tyler's eyebrows shot up, Agent Jarrod smirked,

"I knew it, no way his wife left that on his neck." Tyler inserted his two cents to the conversation,

"What's their story?" Agent Jarrod asked, clearly out of the loop,

"Agent Arkin was Mike's girlfriend and partner in his undercover operations in California. A mission went wrong because of her and it ended up almost getting Agent Warren killed, they hadn't spoken since. But I knew the second she walked in here he would fall right back in love with her." Jess explained, the other two agents nodded understandingly.

As if on cue, Paige and Mike walked into the lunch room, laughing at something and clearly enjoying each other's company,

"Agent Arkin." Jess nodded at Paige, Paige smiled a forced smile, continuing to the fridge to grab her lunch before settling down at a seat across from Mike. The lunch room kept their gazes lingering on the pair.

"Hey I have Grace because Sarah's out of town so I have to go pick her up, you want to ride along? We can work more on the case when we get back to my house?" Mike offered a few hours later,

"That sounds great!" Paige said, trying not to be too enthusiastic, but clearly excited to be going to his place with him,

"If she asks your my new work partner, she doesn't know the exact nature of my job for security reasons." He explained and Paige nodded,happily following Mike down to the car.

They pulled up to the white school building and Mike parked, telling her he'd be back in a few minutes, normally Grace took the bus but today he wanted to surprise her and pick her up. She came barreling towards him when she saw him,

"DADDY!" She squealed, jumping straight into his arms as he scooped her up. The other parents all looked at him, a few of the moms gazes lingered on the tall, handsome and well dressed man that rarely came for pick up duty.

"Hey baby." He smiled at her as she leaned her head on his shoulder and he picked up her pink back pack with his other hand and carried her to the car. Paige hopped out and opened the door for him, seeing his hands were full,

"Who's dis?" The small child looked at Paige confused. The girl was thin, her rosy cheeks were pressed into the same signature grin Mike had, her long brown hair was falling down her back and waves and she wore a pink dress and brown boots.

"This is daddy's work partner Paige." Mike introduced the girl to Paige who smiled at the mini-Mike staring back at her,

"Paige is a pretty name. I have a Barbie named Paige, can I show you when we go home?" Grace asked,

"Of course sweetie I'd love to see your barbie!" Paige answered, smiling at Mike who was watching with a grin.

They pulled up to the nice suburban house and Paige let herself out, Grace bolted out of her seat and ran towards the front door, clearly excited. Mike unlocked the door and Grace grabbed Paige's hand and led her to her room. Paige saw the put together home, covered in photos of Grace, but lacking family pictures. She saw the guest bed was undone and that his jacket from the night before was hung on the bedpost. She tried not to snoop as she followed the miniature girl to the pink bedroom at the top of the stairs.

"And this is Paige!" Grace exclaimed, holding up a blonde Barbie in a hippie skirt and a white tank top. "Daddy got her for my birthday when I turned twee! He said I can pick any name and I pick Paige cuz' I heard him and mommy fight about someone named Paige and I liked the name." The girl rambled, Paige sent a look over her shoulder to Mike who shrugged and smiled a sad smile at her.

The night wore on, open case files were strewn on the living room floor, when the doorbell rang. Mike was tucking Grace in so Paige went to answer the door, on the other side stood a neighbor who did a double take when she saw the blonde.

"Hi do Mike and Sarah still live here?" The woman asked,

Mike came up behind Paige,

"Hi ! What can I do for you?" He smiled at the older woman who was looking at Paige questionably,

"I got some of your mail and I thought I'd come by and drop it off." The woman explained glad she had some new gossip to share at book club the following night. She saw the fresh hickey on the blondes neck and the other one on Mike's but she just smiled and handed them the mail. As soon as the door close Mike flung the mail aside,

"Grace is asleep." He said strongly and Paige knew what he wanted, she thought it would feel wrong kissing him in his own home, but it felt right. She pressed tighter into him as he kissed her with passion, wrapping his arms around her waist and letting her fall into him. He pulled her towards the bedroom, not the guest room but the main one, where the bed was quickly unmade and he pulled his shirt off as she untied her dress and fumbled with his belt buckle. He turned over the picture on the dresser of him and Sarah and went right back to kissing her, littering her with his soft touch.

Their first time in six years was every bit as good as she had imagined it would be. And as she lay next to him in bed, and watched his chest rise up and down to a paced rhythm she felt warm inside, finally having him back. That's when a small voice called out into the dark bedroom,

"Paige I had a bad dream, can I sleep with you and daddy?" She asked, she was too young to be aware of the wrong doings in front of her. Paige quickly pulled on one of Mikes tee shirts and nodded at the girl, who came running towards her and curled up next to her in the bed.

Mike woke up with a start, there was no one in his bed, and for a minute he wondered if the whole night had been a dream. But then he heard a high pitched giggle from the kitchen area and he knew she was still here. The sight he saw when he walked into his kitchen was Priceless, Paige who had on his old Quantico tee shirt and old boxers was covered in flour, as was his pint sized princess who was in a flowered night gown.

"What do we have here?" He asked, and his daughter grinned a guilty smile,

"We was trying to make pancakes but I dropped the flour." She said laughingly, as Paige took a handful of flour and tossed it at Mike who tried to duck but was coated in the white dust too. The bell rang again and he held up one finger as he went to go get it. It was Tyler with new case information.

"Warren I know you're sleeping with her let me in." Tyler said when Mike opened the door,

"Good morning to you too bud." He let his friend in, who noted the flour all over his buddy's clothes. He walked into the kitchen, where he was met by a equally coated Paige and Grace. Both girls were pretending to be nonchalantly cooking breakfast.

"Morning Arkin." Tyler quipped, Paige turned around,

"Hey Tyler can you pass me the eggs?" She pointed to the carton that was in front of him on the table, hoping he wouldn't make this situation awkward in front of Grace who had scampered off to go get her dolls to help cook.

"So this is actually happening? Are you leaving Sarah?" Tyler asked when Grace was out of earshot.

"I signed the papers and have them for her when she gets back." Mike replied which surprised Paige,

"Mike..." She started,

"They've been signed for months, I just haven't had the courage to give them to her. And I'm not going to call her on the middle of her tropical vacation with Jake to serve her divorce papers." He explained, Grace then called out for Paige to help her choose which dolls to bring, so Paige smiled and walked towards the girls room.

"Jake? I thought she had work?" Tyler asked,

"She told me she was going to New York but the tickets she left on the kitchen table were for Fiji so I'm pretty sure she's with her boss on vacation." He said o'matter a factly. He had known his wife had been sleeping with her boss for months, but new as in no position to judge her.

"Oh sorry man." Tyler said empathetically,

"I have her back Ty that's all I care about." Mike said, both men knew who he was talking about when he said "her" and Mike looked incredibly content.

Paige slept over the entire week, in both senses of the word, and Mike had never been happier.

The week came to an abrupt stop however, when Sarah came storming back into town, her tan unmistakeable. She came into the home, and when she walked into the kitchen her breath caught. She knew she hadn't been heard, because Mike and her daughter were making spaghetti with a lanky blonde who was laughing a whole hearted laugh. Sarah cleared her throat and all motion in the room stopped. Mike had his sleeves rolled up and was clearly relaxed and happy, the blonde looked petrified when she heard the sound, and Grace was oblivious to the awkwardness. She smiled up at her mommy,

"Mommy daddy's friend Paige is making spah-getti" the little girl struggled with the tongue tying word, Sarah's heart almost stopped, in front of her stood The Paige, the one who her husband had never quite gotten over was back.

"Hi sorry, um I can leave." Paige quickly apologized going to grab her jacket from the hall, Sarah noticed the red mark on the woman's neck and her suspicions were confirmed.

"Mommy can Paige stay for dinner?" Grace asked innocently,

"You know what Gracie girl, I gotta go back to my home but I'll see you again real soon I promise okay?" Paige knelt down to the girls level, giving her a hug and ruffling her hair, "keep your daddy happy for me okay?"

"Okay!" The girl gave her a bone-crushing hug, and Paige smiled at Mike,

"I'll see you at work tomorrow Mike." Paige said and Mike nodded, smiling at her as she left. Sarah locked her jaw after the blonde left, sending a hatred filled look towards Mike, which of course cause her to notice the fresh hickey splayed out on his neck.

"Nice mark Michael." She said angerly, stomping towards their bedroom to unload her luggage. That's when she saw the bed was unkept, clearly slept in. She rolled her eyes as she stripped the bed of the sheets, that's when a black bra fell out into the floor. Her previously inklings were confirmed as she reached for those phone,

"Hi ! Do you mind taking care of Grace tonight? Mike and I have some...things to discuss." She cooed to Mike's mother who was happy to come get her granddaughter. Twenty minutes later Mike and Sarah found themselves in an empty house. Mikes relaxed and happy facade was completely gone, instead he was defensive and stressed again. Things started to be thrown, first their wedding pictures and then their knick knacks.

"YOU BROUGHT HER BACK TO OUR HOUSE AND FUCKED HER IN OUR BED!" Sarah shouted as a photo frame hit the wall by his head,

"YOU WERE IN FIJI WITH YOUR GODDAMNED BOSS!" He yelled back, not throwing anything but hatred her way,

"YOU SLEPT WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE IN OUR BED MICHAEL, OUR FUCKING BED!" She screamed, another photo frame slamming next to his head,

"LIKE YOURE ANY BETTER" he answered,

"DID YOU EVER STOP LOVING HER?!" The next shout was filled with ghostly sadness, as she chucked the well hidden wood box at his head, which he caught in his hand to keep it from hitting the wall.

"No." He whispered in admittance. And just like that it was over. There was no more yelling, no more accusations,just an exhausted sob as she slipped to the floor, tears streaming down her body. Mike came over and sat next to her, "Just because I never stopped loving her doesn't mean I didn't love you. I did love you, and I love our daughter." He tried to calm her, she curled into his chest, crying her eyes out into his tee shirt, that smelled like Paige.


	4. Chapter 4

/ We loved with a love that was more than love./ -Edgar Allen Poe

At first it was silent, Grace was unaware of the huge gap growing between her parents, she was unaware of her dad's late nights at Paige's house or her moms early mornings at the office with Jake. She didn't really understand what was going on, so she kept quiet and cherished her time with both her parents and with the new people in her life. She especially liked Paige. Paige played dolls with her and told her stories about her daddy, Paige could braid hair and do make up, Paige could do flips on the trampoline. It was in a car ride one afternoon, as she sat in her car seat in the back and looked innocently up at her father in the drivers seat that the silence broke.

"Daddy is Paige going to be my new mommy?" She asked, a Mike almost crashed at the sound of this question, but regained his composure,

"Mommy is always going to be your mom dear." He replied calmly,

"Haley says when her daddy moved she got a new mommy too. She had two mommies and two daddies! " the girl explained, Mike sighed,

"Well honey is don't know whats gonna happen but there's gonna be some change, are you okay with that?" He asked softly, hoping his daughter wouldn't freak out.

"I love Paige daddy! She'd be a good mommy!" Grace said smartly, Mike chuckled at that statement-he had no idea how true this would ring in the months to come.

Sarah still hadn't signed the divorce papers, she was dead set on having complete custody and Mike refused to allow it.

"This is going to get really messy." Mike admitted to Paige one night when they were lounging around in her new apartment, Paige had been unusually silent the whole night.

"She's your daughter, Sarah can't just take her away from you." Paige said softly, Mike looked at her, worry lines creasing his face.

"If she can prove I'm unfit she can get full custody." He replied,

"But you're not unfit." Paige countered, rubbing a circle on his back,

"I work for the FBI, I don't have a stable residence outside of our house, I cheated on her in her own home. She can use it all against me." Mike whispered, Paige could hear the pain in his voice.

"You can live with me. She cheated on you too remember?" Paige tried,

"Yeah but she did it on neutral territory, I brought our daughter into this." His voice broke as he talked.

"Babe it's going to be okay. Maybe you should get a lawyer?" She comforted him with a warm embrace,

"Yeah I guess so. Look I need to go home and make dinner for Grace, love you." He kissed Paige quickly before walking out of her apartment, still stressed out.

Paige had a big secret, she was not about to add the the mess of the divorce with her problem, but she was dying inside. She knew she couldn't lie to him about it forever, and she knew he'd find out eventually, but he was so stressed out that she was worried he would go into the deep end if she told him what was going on with her. So she kept it inside, and she let it eat at her.

"Sarah if you don't sign the damn papers I'm getting a lawyer. This divorce needs to be finalized." Mike exclaimed when Grace was sound asleep, he was exhausted from fighting with Sarah at every turn and he just wanted the whole ordeal to be over.

"Do you really want this?" Sarah asked, she was borderline tipsy at the moment and her thoughts weren't totally coherent. She was stumbling over her words and seemed vulnerable, yet still completely cruel and undeniably bitter.

"Yes Sarah, I've moved on." He answered, his voice deep and demanding,

"Did you even want to marry me?" She questioned, Mike thought about being honest, telling her he had wanted nothing to do with marriage, that he had wanted to run away (back to the blonde in California) and that he had never been more relieved than the day she had found the box so he could share Paige with someone else.

"It was the right thing to do for Grace's sake." He replied and she looked at him with sad eyes, she had never realized that Mike had never truly been with her, that he had always been with Paige in his mind, every girl wants to be loved unconditionally, and Paige would always be that girl to Mike.

"Isn't this just more pain for her?" She said in a quiet voice, she wasn't really worried for Grace, Grace was so open to change and adjustment. She was, in all factuality, worried for herself. Mike had been her world for so long, that even when she had cheated on him she had felt guilty, even though he had been off screwing the love of his life, she so desperately wanted to salvage her heart. When she had seen him with her she had felt broken inside, like that nagging voice in the back of her head for the past five years that had been telling her he didn't love her, had been telling the truth all along.

"Grace understands, she loves Paige." Mike told Sarah. Mike felt a lump rise in his throat, he wanted to make everything okay, he wished he had never had to break Sarah's heart to be with the one who had stolen his, but life had a funny way of fucking him over like that.

"Well don't we all just fucking love Paige." Sarah snapped and she walked away angrily. She made it around the corner before the tears started falling, and she heard the slam of the front door. He was going to Paige, he was going to be with the one he truly loved. Sarah stopped for a minute, peering into her young daughter's room, watching her baby sleep like an angel.

Sarah still remembered the day she had Grace, with Mike squeezing her hand and promising her it would all be okay and telling her that he loved her and that he was so thankful for their family. She remember holding the sleeping infant in her arms and asking Mike if they could name her Grace, after the place he had become a man at before they had met, the place that had brought him back to her. She remembered the late night turns, kicking Mike under the covers (back when they still slept in the same bed) and his grumbles as he had gone to sooth the crying baby girl. She remembered eight months after she had been born, sitting in the cold stall at her office, another plastic stick in her hand, waiting to see if Grace was going to be a sister, planning how to tell Mike. She remembered the damn negative sign that had popped up three minutes later, and her initial relief being overcome by disappointment. She could still feel his warm embrace as she had sobbed over another negative sign a year later. She remembered going to the doctor, because they so desperately had wanted Grace to have a sibling. She remembered him holding her when the doctor had told her it was unlikely she would get pregnant again. She could still hear the whispers of consolement in her ear that whole year.

She remembered the day it all fell apart too. She remembered his unusually cold attitude, and Grace was crying about preschool and Sarah had been upset because she was late for work, and Mike hadn't left the bed all day. At first she had thought he was sick, but when she got home she and heard him whisper to his friend on the phone that it was Paige's birthday. That name had broken her heart and nothing had been the same after that. She started to ignore him, he started coming home later, she had started yelling and initiating fights. She wanted him to admit that he was still in love with the blonde bombshell from his past, but he had kept everything bottled inside. Grace had gone through her terrible two phase and had given both of them immense trouble, if they weren't fighting about work they were fighting about the right way to discipline,the right way to feed her, dress her, school her. Everything was a fight.

It was three weeks later, the papers still not signed, that Paige came over to meet Mike. Unfortunately, Mike was running late so Paige was left in the house alone with Sarah. Sarah just glared at her the whole time,

"What's so fucking special about you?" Sarah said loudly, her heart broken in her chest when the blonde who had stolen her husband had glanced her way with a pitiful look.

"Nothing is special about me, I'm just me." Paige answered, feeling her stomach turn and quickly jumping up and dashing towards the bathroom. She didn't have time to close the door before she threw up in the main hallway bathroom, Sarah followed her.

"Sick?" Sarah said cruelly, inside Sarah was screaming, she knew exactly what was going on, Mike had gone to another girl because she hadn't been able to give him what he wanted-a big family- and now she was faced with the whole scandal.

"It's nothing." Paige replied, her hand clutching her abdomen. Her secret was still buried into her chest, no one knew except herself, she didn't want to complicate things, she didn't need Mike to have to deal with this right now.

"Does Mike know?" Sarah asked with a smirk,

"Know what Sarah?" Paige said, pissed that Sarah was intruding,

"That you're pregnant." Sarah said with seemingly effortless conviction( inside she was breaking into a million pieces, this girl had both of the things she had wanted so badly) Paige swallowed hard, her voice caught in her throat and she found herself unable to answer. "I knew it." Sarah raised her eyebrows as the front door sounded as it opened. "Oh wonderful lets talk to Mike." Sarah spat before she turned on her heels to go confront Mike.

"Sarah where's Paige?" Mike asked as he ran into his wife in the hallway, he could tell something was off and he saw the sad twinge in his wife's eye, the look he hadn't seen since that doctors appointment almost three years prior.

"Oh you mean the whore you knocked up while you cheated on me?" Sarah said, flaring her nostrils, she was hurt and angry, and was obviously very proud of herself for degrading Paige. Paige quickly came out of the bathroom, her hand wrapped around her stomach, she looked like she was going to be sick,

"Paige...?" Mike asked as she stood in the hallway, his wife between them.

"Tell him Paige, tell him the truth." Sarah poked, hands on hips and a nasty smirk on her face,

"Mike I..." Paige started,

"My lawyer is going to love this! A cheating husband with a pregnant mistress!" Sarah crowed, looking between the couple,

"Paige are you?" Mike said calmly, Paige just nodded, tears running down her cheeks, Mikes heart jumped, he was met with conflicting emotions. In one sense he was so so so happy that he was going to have another kid, but in another he could feel Sarah breaking at the news. He may have not been in love with her, but he certainly didn't want Sarah to think he had left her because of her inability to have more kids, he needed her to know that he truly had left because he was in love, not for a selfish reason.

"I swear I was going to tell you." She pleaded, Mike could hear the fear in his beautiful lovers voice so he made his way toward her and before she knew what was happening she was being wrapped into a tight hug, he kissed her cheek and ran his fingers through her hair, pushing the strand out of her face and tucking it behind her ear. He dried the tear that had crept down her bronzed cheek with his thumb,

"Get ready for him to be absentee and never home. He's a shitty father and an even worse husband." Sarah quipped, Paige just let Mike hug her tighter, trying to ignore Sarah's evil words.

"I think daddy's a good daddy." A small voice said aloud, all three adults heads snapped up, in the open doorway was the small brunette in braids who looked like she had heard everything. "Also what's pregnant?" She added in a whisper, she looked confused and afraid, she had heard her parents fight a lot but never sound this serious and she had never seen Paige cry before.

"It means your father lied to you and me and is having a family with someone else." Sarah answered before Mike could, Mike tensed up, he hated that Sarah would say something like that to his baby girl.

"Daddy I thought you said we never lie to people we love?" Grace said, her voice soft, her innocence pulling his heart apart.

"Baby I didn't lie to you..." He said, Sarah cut him off,

"He doesn't love you Grace, when he wasn't home to tuck you in he wasn't fighting bad guys, he was off making a family with someone else." Sarah told her daughter who looked like she was going to cry,

"Daddy was I not a good daughter? Is that why you have another family?" She asked, Mike's heart snapped at his daughters words.

"Baby girl I love you so much, I would never lie to you." Mike tried to keep his baby girl from crying,

"Do you love Mommy?" Grace asked,

"I did." Mike answered,

"Do you love Paige?" Grace asked,

"Yes baby girl I do. And I love you just as much." He said, reaching out to give her a hug,

"Are you and Paige going to have another family?" Grace questioned,

"No baby girl, we're just having a bigger family, you'll have a new brother or sister, isn't that exciting?" He asked and she shrugged,

"Is Paige gonna move in?" Grace said as she looked between her father and her mother,

"No honey, Paige and I will have another house, with a room for you too!" Mike replied, Grace seemed ok with this answer, because she gave Mike a hug,

"Please keep being my daddy." She mumbled into his chest,

"I would never stop being your daddy." He whispered into her ear.

The car ride back to Paige's was awkwardly silent,

"Mike I didn't want to complicate things." Paige said aloud,

"Don't you think I should know that I'm having another kid?" He asked, kind of upset she hadn't told him earlier. After all the struggles him and Sarah had experienced he had sworn that if he ever had a chance to be a father again that he would be there for every moment and wouldn't take it for granted.

"Mike you had too much on your plate, it just wasn't the right time to tell you." Paige justified,

"What if what happened last time happened again, what if I hadn't known." He brought up the previous loss Paige had suffered after his departure, they still hadn't fully discussed the miscarriage, or the effect it had had on Paige.

"What happened last time was very rare Mike, barely anyone loses a baby after the first trimester." She cautiously reasoned,

"Did you have them do tests last time? To see what went wrong?" He asked, she had hidden that part of her life from him,

"They told me I had a low conception rate and the reason I lost the baby was because of stress and malnutrition." The words spilled from her mouth before she could stop them, she immiedietly covered her mouth with her hand, realizing what she had said,

"So you lost our baby because of me. Because I stressed you out and you didn't eat." He realized and she just bit her lip,

"I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to blame yourself." Paige mumbled, she had no idea of what else Mike had been through while she was absent from his life.

"Paige how could I not blame myself! I'm probably putting you through the same amount of stress this time around with this whole divorce ordeal, what if you hadn't told me and I'd pushed you to your limit." He said, clearly concerned,

"You didn't and both me and the baby are fine Mike." She tried to comfort him, that's when he had dropped the bombshell,

"You know Sarah and I were trying to have another baby for about two years after Grace was born." He started Paige looked at him, confused as to how this was relevant, " Sarah can't have anymore kids, we went to specialists and we tried everything but she couldn't have the one thing she had wanted most. So I told her it might have something to do with me, maybe I was to fault, and I think she honestly believed that for all these years and we kind of blindsided her now that I've fathered two kids"

"Three." Paige corrected, clearly feeling sorry for Mike,

"and she's probably just hurt and I'm sure she'll come around eventually. I doubt she'll pull that whole lawyer thing, and if she does we'll fight it." He finished and Paige looked at him, seeing the pained expression on his face,

"I love you Mike." She said softly and he smiled,

"I love you too." He echoed.


	5. Chapter 5

/ We are all searching for someone whose demons play well with ours/-Anon

Paige finding out she was pregnant had been met with mixed emotions. She was sure it would jeopardize her liaison position at the FBI, and even worse it would put further stress on Mike by giving merit to Sarah's battle for full custody. She had also still harbored negative feelings about the last time she had been pregnant, and she wondered if she was destined to lose his baby again, she wondered if God ever really wanted her to be happy. Her timing was shit, her mind was negative and her baby daddy was married. Those three things compounded in her head made it almost impossible to get up in the mornings.

After she'd told Mike her stress had lessened a bit, but all of a sudden she was aware that she would be showing soon, likely before Mike's divorce was finalized. This meant she was going to be seen as a pregnant whore and Mike as an irresponsible cheater. She knew he was worried about perception too but he wouldn't dare tell her. She didn't force the matter, she stopped going with him to pick up Grace on his pick up duty days, she wore loose garments even though she had no bump yet, she avoided going out with her coworkers to bars, she basically stayed inside. The whispers had started though. Mike's separation was relatively out of the blue, and caught most of his coworkers off guard.

"Maybe she's pregnant?" One of the agents whispered one of the agents one day when Mike had quickly followed Paige to the bathroom after she'd gone dashing off. That had snowballed the truthful rumor, but no one dared approach them about it. Mike had stopped wearing his ring, but no one asked questions,and when he'd arrived in the mornings with Paige no one made a show of staring or ogling at them. Paige could feel the eyes on her though, sometimes she had to excuse herself to get away from the prying glances.

The worst place the rumor had made its way to was the neighborhood book club, which housed most of Grace's classmate's mothers. The women watched Mike pick up Grace, words like "cheater", "player" and "ass hole" were associated with his name.

One of the women had come rushing in to the club meeting, excited with news she'd received from her husband whos best friend was Sarah's lawyer.

"That blonde girl is definitely pregnant!" She squealed as she sat down and every woman was thrown into conversation about what they knew about Mike Warren.

"He's hot!" One of the women interjected,

"He's a federal agent!" Another shared,

"He and that blonde dated before he moved here!" Another woman blurted her morsel of knowledge,

"That girl was at his house when Sarah was on a business trip!" The eldest woman added,

"That child is definitely gonna be born before the divorce is finalized." One mused and the women all shook their heads in acknowledgement.

The next day, as the preschool let out one of the women from the book club spotted the lanky blonde in a loose peasant styled dress standing next to Mike laughing while they waited for Grace to come out. Mike had his hand around her waist and the blonde's hand was splayed out protectively on her abdomen. She watched as Mike leaned down and kissed the blonde in front of the school, and suddenly she felt bad for gossiping about the obviously happy pair in front of her.

"Everyone is staring at us Mikey." Paige noticed quietly,

"Let them." He replied, kissing her again, Grace came scampering out of the school and jumped right into Paige's arms, excitedly recounting her day.

When they made it to the car Mike looked at Paige who was still very self conscious,

"Babe you know they probably know already." He offered and Paige nodded, still uncomfortable being looked at as a mistress, "it doesn't bother me, but if it's bothering you I can talk to them about it."

"Mike we both know they're calling you a cheating player and me a whore." She whisper-yelled, she didn't need Grace to adapt her language.

"It doesn't matter what they call us, they have no idea." He rubbed her shoulder with one hand, keeping his eyes on the road,

"And have you heard all the rumors at work Mike!? Youre being called a scorned family man." Paige retorted quietly,

"The rumors are true, it's ok, like I said before what they call me doesn't matter because I love you." He told her, trying to calm her down.

"How are we gonna tell your parents? Have you even thought of that? Cause "hey mom I knocked up my mistress" isn't really the way every mother dreams of having a grand kid." Paige ranted, she was so stressed out that she could feel the tears coming to her eyes,

"My parents have known it was over between Sarah and I for awhile. They won't be thrilled that I cheated on her but they won't blame you." He soothed, Grace had fallen asleep in the back seat, oblivious to the amount of stress her family was under.

Mike was terrified, he hadn't thought about telling his folks yet. They had been so mad at him when he'd gotten Sarah pregnant and had subsequently forced him to get married to her to keep the family name in good graces. Having a pregnant girlfriend while he was still married was most definitely not gonna go over well with his strict catholic parents. His family was pretty fucked up, he had his brother who had gotten his girlfriend pregnant their junior year in high school- although they were still together and had been married for awhile- and a sister who had gone to Penn State only to get expelled a month into her freshman year for doing ecstasy and OxyContin on campus grounds and then there was him. Up until the Sarah mishap he had been their golden child, perfect, law abiding and smart. But after Sarah's pregnancy he had been admonished by his family for being foolish and getting himself into a situation that would only be rectified if he married her. His mother had loosened up a bit over the years, partially because Grace was her favorite grandchild, but his father still looked at Sarah disapprovingly every time she had been over at the house. He thought maybe he should tell them before someone else did, and he decided he would not drag Paige along and have her receive angry glares after he revealed the news.

Two days later he knocked on his parents door with a dry throat and sweaty palms.

"Mikey!" His mom squealed, pulling him into a warm hug as he entered the sprawling estate.

"Hey mom, is dad here too?" He asked as he hung up his jacket, his mother nodded and went to fetch his father.

"Son." The older Warren acknowledged when he saw him,

"Hey dad." Mike said in a wavering voice. "Mom, dad you might want to sit down." He nodded towards the couch, his parents sent him questioning looks before taking a seat on the couch,

"What's wrong?" Mikes mom questioned,

"Sarah and I are getting divorced." He said in a strong voice, trying to picture Paige cheering him on,

"Have you tried marriage counseling? How about the preacher? There's other options Michael." His mom said quickly, she had become fond of Sarah over the past five years,

"No mom it's done." He shut down her babbling, fear still churning inside his stomach,

"May I ask why?" His mom inquired,

"Do you remember Paige?" He asked, his parents had known he had a serious girlfriend in California, he had recounted some stories to them over the holidays before he had gotten married,

"She's that girl from California right?" His mom asked, lost as to where this was going, his dad just looked at him quizzically.

"Yeah, she's back in DC and we're working together again." Mike started, his dad interrupted him,

"And this has to do with you getting a divorce how?"

"Um well," he swallowed and looked his parents in the eyes, "she and I are back together and she's pregnant." He spit it out quickly, his moms eyes bugged out of her head,

"You cheated on Sarah and got your ex girlfriend pregnant?!" She exclaimed angrily, Mike sighed, his dad just stared at him with a dark look in his eyes.

"Sarah and I were over long before Paige entered the picture, this is the second time she's been pregnant and if you guys could just not add to her stress right now to avoid another set of complications." He requested quietly,

"What do you mean second time?" His mom asked confused,

"I mean Paige was pregnant when I left the California office." He explained, hoping Paige didn't mind him sharing the information.

"And what happened? Is there another bastard child out there!" His dad finally exploded and Mike looked right at him, tears in his eyes,

"Dad, Paige had a miscarriage a week after I left." He said slowly, saying the words out loud reminded him that he had been at fault for the loss, "she was four months along. She lost the baby because of stress and I'm not putting her through something like that again."

His mom's face softened a bit at her sons reveal, she felt bad for yelling at him earlier, he looked like he had been through hell and back. He was a wreck, but his eyes were sparkling again, something she hadn't seen in him since he had been working in sunny California. She gave him a tight hug, the loss of a child was always rough and the fact that he had been kept in the dark about it for six years had to be eating him up inside. He had probably ran through a million scenarios where he had been there to save her and the baby, one where they'd lived happily ever after. When she released him she gave him a squeeze on the shoulders,

"Be there for her, she's probably going to be under a lot of scrutiny. Don't worry about your father I'll calm him down." She kissed his forehead and Mike smiled in appreciation before zipping his coat back on and leaving the mansion in Georgetown. His drive back to Paige's was uneventful, he hadn't seen her in a few days, she had been doing work on a open DEA case and he'd been busy with his family and his parents. He unlocked her door with the key she'd given him, tossing his briefcase in the front hallway and padding down the to her room. He heard soft sighs from inside, and he peaked in inquisitively. What he saw made his heart warm up a bit, she was standing infront of the mirror, hand on her stomach where a small bump was now visible and she was wiping tears off her face while palming her abdomen.

"Hey beautiful." Mike whispered into her ear, she jumped a bit, letting her loose top fall back down over her stomach. She turned towards him, wrapping her hands around his neck and staring into his sea green eyes,

"Daddys home early isn't he?" She whispered and a smile spread over his face, he wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her close to him,

"Mommy might want to get dressed so be can go out on the date daddy's planned." He raised his eyebrows and she looked up at him with a grin. She quickly scampered towards her closet, at first she reached for a loose fitted white dress, but then she felt bold. She grabbed a slinky black body con dress that would reveal her barely there bump to anyone who looked closely. When she emerged from the closet he looked her up and down, "you look amazing as always." He winked and took her hand in his, leading her towards his car a riverfront dinner cruise in their immediate future. She was shy at first but when she stepped into the glamorous boat decorate in 1920s decor with jazz music playing soothingly in the background she felt a sense of serenity. They were seated quickly, Paige from six years ago would have bolted out of a date like this and then made fun of it for years to come. But while Mike had been gone she had missed his cheesy romantic gestures and his corny ideas. Dinner came out promptly and mid way through her spaghetti a older gentleman's voice rang through the resturaunt.

"Michael Warren it has been too long!" The jolly elderly man in an expensive suit cried out. Mike rose from the table with brash confidence,

"Director Smith how have you been?" He said in a deep and serious voice, clearly coming off as it had when he was a rock star rookie agent (a side of Mike Paige wished she saw more).

"I'm good, family's good retirements good! How's that little girl of yours doing?" The man asked with a smile,

"Her fifth birthdays next month, she's grown up quite a bit." Mike said proudly,

"Ahh and is this that wife I never got to meet?" The man gestured to Paige who looked at Mike urgently,

"Actually Sarah and I are in the process of getting a divorce, this is Paige, my girlfriend." Mike introduced Paige, Paige smiled at the robust older man who looked at her intently,

"You were on assignment with this kid back in the day weren't you? Arkin right?" The mans inquisitive glance held her,

"Yes sir DEA Special Agent Paige Arkin." She replied and he grinned,

"See Mikey I told you that assignment did you some good, even when you came back crushed at least you got the best thing in life out of it." The man tipped his hat and Mike looked at him, lost,

"And what is that sir?" He questioned,

"Love, kid, all you need is love." The man said before walking off the boat.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: this is a flashback chapter, I felt Paige's miscarriage needed to be delved into a bit deeper in order to make sense of why she had drastically changed so much

/ A million words won't bring you back, I know because I tried. Neither will a million tears I know because I cried./ - Anon

Silence. That's what was left in Graceland after Mike packed his bag and returned to DC. Bitter silence, deep down Paige knew everyone blamed her for a Mike leaving and for his almost dying, and deep down she knew they were right. When she'd come home for the first time after he'd left she had gone straight to his room. She sat silently on the bed, trying to consume his scent and his being from around her. But all the familiar little touches broke her heart and compiled with the guilt she felt. She ran her hand smoothly against the cushion of his bed, his sheets tucked into the corners like a bed straight out of an army boot camp. She laid her head on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling, where the fan whirled slowly in a monotonous circle, and she counted the pace of her breathing. Out of no where a sharp abdominal pain wracked her entire body, but Paige did little to minimize the agony, instead she just clutched her stomach and returned to counting the twirls of the fan. She laid there all night, trying to imagine what Mike had felt when he'd found out she had given up his location, she tried to imagine the look on his horribly innocent yet intricately troubled face at that exact moment. She could see it, she was sure his eyes had widened at the utterance, his jaw tightened, his hands curled into fists and his nostrils flaring widely. She could see his sky blue eyes turning to a shade that reminded her of a stormy ocean. She could feel the strife and grief that had flowed through his veins at that second, and she could hear his disbelieving words that had followed-or even worse she could hear the blatant expectancy in his voice, like her betraying him hadn't been a surprise. She rolled over to her side, facing his dresser, from that angle she could see a crumpled piece of paper and a velvety box thrust under the drawers and disregarded into the dusty corner. She slowly walked towards it, reaching her hand under into the darkness and pulling out the objects. The paper she saw was a hand scrawled receipt, and when she saw what it was for her throat dried up and her hands released the second object to the ground, tears controlling her again as she leaned against the dresser in the dim light of his old room. The receipt had been for a local jeweled, a ring with an inscription, and the words that were inscribed on it made her guilt multiply.

~I will love you forever and always Paige~

She slowly opened the box, which to her surprise was open, the ring clearly removed from the velvety setting and the empty cushion staring into her soul. She hurriedly pushed both the items back under into the dusty unknown and she sat there with her head against the wood frame for hours, letting herself cry.

No one checked on her the first few days, she had been given leave following the tragedy and no one wanted to disturb her, since the last time anyone had seen her she had been sobbing and shaking after her return from the hospital.

A week passed by. Paige didn't leave the room, hunger overcame her frame, and her cheeks hollowed out quickly, she didn't drink much water and she stayed relatively stationary on the bed she and Mike had once shared. The pains she had been experiencing over the past week did not subside, they grew increasingly painful, but so did her tolerance. She blamed herself for his exit, for ever letting things go so far down the bad road, for not telling him she loved him while she had a chance. She knew he would become a rock star again in DC, he would have himself a nice wife and a good family. He'd grow old with her and dote on his grandchildren, he'd walked his daughter down the aisle, he'd teach his son how to play football in their suburban front yard, and he'd move on. She couldn't see anything for her, just bleak grayness and fuzzy memories that she was having a hard time holding onto. She was amidst this thought when another paralyzing pain ran through her, and then she saw red. Bright red blood spilling onto his covers, she let out a bloodcurdling scream, and her housemates came running, when they saw her, weak and pale lying in a pool of blood on his bed they quickly dialing 911. She doesn't remember anything after that moment, she was rushed into an ambulance, accompanied by her whole team, they'd pulled her into the emergency room, her blood loss high and her malnourishment and dehydration high as well. She was out for almost three days, she couldn't tell you what happened during those three days she had been in a coma for, but she had relished in some extraordinary dreams including her Mikey being back. When she finally woke up she sputtered his name, and the doctors had rushed in to check her vitals and to placate the shaking woman who was clearly in emotional turmoil. It took two more days for her to come to clarity, two days for the doctors to be able to explain to her exactly what had happened.

" , what you experience was a severe and unusual miscarriage during your fourth month of pregnancy, the lack of nutrients and food along with the massive load of stress caused a unhealthy environment which unfortunately caused a miscarriage." The doctor had explained to a dazed Paige,

"I was pregnant?" She asked softly, she hadn't noticed the lack of her period or the growth because she'd been too busy hacking out a vendetta against the baby's father.

"Approximately 4 months and two weeks along, I know this is a devastating experience and we do have a psychiatrist on duty if you need to speak with someone." The doctor replied to her whisper,

"No thank you." She mumbled and the doctor nodded and left to give her privacy. Paige stared up at the ceiling, her hand pressed against her stomach, where she had managed to kill another piece of Mike. All that she had left of him, and she had unknowingly killed it too, she felt toxic. She checked herself out against doctor recommendation the next afternoon and she ignored her friends who were confused and lost. She made her way to the local bar and she sat in the dark corner booth, drinking glass after glass of Mike's favorite drink, whiskey. She'd hit eight when the bartender cut her off and had told her to go home. She'd left begrudgingly and had found another small bar a few blocks down, where she downed four more glasses before stumbling home and passing out on her bedroom floor.

This was a pattern she worked her way into, every night she'd go out and get black out drunk, she'd come home, wake up, do her job as mediocrely as possible, and then she had gone out and done it all over again. The alcohol didn't get her drunk anymore, but it numbed the sadness for a bit, and it made her forget even if it was only for a little while.

Her friends worried for her, but Charlie and Briggs had moved away with their daughter, Johnny and Dale had been deep under cover for weeks and she never spoke with Bates. The house eventually dissipated and she found herself in a dingy apartment, working a mediocre desk job at the DEA HQ, and not speaking to anyone. She heard Johnny got married and had twins with his wife, she'd heard Dale had reconnected with his son and that Charlie and Briggs were expecting their second baby-a boy. She'd heard that Bates had gotten engaged to his new partner and that they were moving to Texas, and she heard that Dale got remarried to some new and hotshot agent. But she never heard about Mike.

She could've just asked, basically everyone in the upper-echelons of the FBI knew about him. He'd been condemned to a desk job because of his injuries but he had solved numerous cases that received recognition, everyone in the top knew about his wife and his baby girl. But she never asked. She feared if she asked her worst fears would be confirmed, that he had moved on to someone better.

She didn't ever have a boyfriend, between her growing addiction and her spiraling depression she didn't have the ability to reach out and be happy,instead she wallowed in sadness for the baby and boyfriend she had lost. It was five years after he left that she had been called into the directors office, she was a hungover mess, her make up messy, her hair un brushed, her suit mis-buttoned and her eyes bloodshot. The director knew something was wrong,

"Agent Arkin you need help." He proclaimed when he'd shut the door, "I have a whole new start for you that I think you need." He had slid a packet across the table and Paige had snatched it up,

"What's this?" She asked as she thumbed through the Manila papers.

"I am putting you in required AA groups, you will go to rehab for the next few months, and then, if you can stay sober for six months I have a liaison position in DC with the FBI that I think you'd be perfect for." He'd said kindly and she'd looked at him, a mix of embarrassment and relief flooding her. She had walked out of his office, grabbed her bag and never looked back, welcoming a fresh beginning.

Rehab had been scary, she'd been denied her alcohol, and with that came the rushing back of her feelings she'd been burying for so long. She couldn't sleep at night, all she could see were visions of Mike and a small baby in his arms, their matching blue eyes staring at her sadly, the suppression of sadness she'd been dealing with by drinking broke like a dam. The whole glut retorted her and she relived every moment of that heart breaking year. She'd made no friends, the psychiatrist made headway with her though, slowly but surely she forgave herself for the things that had been haunting her. Her dreams still included him but they weren't accusatory or cruel, they were pleasant dreams, pleasant memories. Her dependence on alcohol melted away. She'd come to peace with her demons, but they'd changed her. When she was released, and she returned home for the remainder of her three months she had cleaned herself up. She'd cut her hair and put pictures up around her apartment. She'd cooked new foods and decorated her living room and kitchen in homey attire, but not a day went by where she didn't question whether Mike would like what she did with the place or with the meal. She still missed him, he had left a hole in her heart, and her miscarriage still occupied her mind daily, but she didn't blame herself anymore, she had taken a step back and had grieved as a victim instead of as a perpetrator.

Six months had come around without her ever really realizing it, she'd reconnected with her old friends, even attended Bates wedding and babysat Charlie's kids. She'd gone on beach walks with her old partners and she'd even gone out to dinners and restrained herself from drinking with them. There was one day when she almost broke though. She had been sitting in the Drop and she'd spotted someone from afar. The woman had a sheet of brown hair, pale skin and a self assured gait. She approached the small restaurant with confidence and that's when Paige had realized who it was. It was Abby. Abby who Mike had split with years before. The brunette seemingly recognized Paige because she came over and sat next to her,

"So did things ever work out with you and Mikey?" Abby asked, clearly addressing Paige. Paige's heart twisted,

"Mike left a few years ago, he's in DC right now." Paige said quietly,

"You two ended up together weren't you?" Abby inquired, Paige's heart dropped a bit,

"Uh yeah, for awhile, five months or so. But we got in a huge fight I haven't heard from him in years." Paige said shamefully,

"You two will find your way back to one another, we all knew it was always Mike and Paige, and I doubt that'll ever change for him or for you." Abby said briskly, before getting up and moving to a seat across the dive bar. Paige stared at her, and ran out of the dingy room, unable to hold it together any longer. When she got outside she sobbed, she let everything she'd been holding in go and she cried out her sadness, she knew she had to look ridiculous.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: this is also a flashback chapter to pair with Paige's miscarriage. this chapter will delve into Sarah's background, she's really not a character for everyone to hate. Also visually she looks like Minka Kelly.

/ Don't give me up /- Birdy

Sarah had grown up in the suburbs, in a single family home, with a younger brother and a older sister and two middle class working parents. She'd been incredibly average, B grades, brown haired, 5'5 girl. She had her first boyfriend at sixteen, and had stayed with him until they left for college. He'd been her first kiss on the Fourth of July after she turned 16, and he'd taken her virginity the summer before senior year, on his birthday in the back of his pick up truck. They'd dated for so long that people knew them as a traveling pair, so when he had dumped her after graduation she had stayed in her room for almost a week, just crying. It was three days later when she panicked and realized her period hadn't come that month, and she was boyfriendless and potentially carrying his child. It had been a mind-numbing experience walking into Planned Parenthood on her 18th birthday and fidgeting in the uncomfortable plastic chair until they finally called her name.

The sigh of relief she had breathed when they told her she wasn't pregnant had been the most relaxing thing she'd ever done. She'd skipped out of the clinic, mind focused on not getting herself into a situation that ever landed her back in the waiting room nervous and alone. Her parents had divorced her sophomore year of college, and her sister had moved to France where she married a wealthy french business man and had four kids in a span of 5 years. Her younger brother had gotten engaged to his highschool sweetheart her junior year of college, her brother's senior year of highschool. It only took two months for her brother to get his young bride pregnant, and the two of them had moved to California to attend college and to raise their baby "near the waves and happiness". She'd graduated with honors the next year, a degree in communications and a brave smile protecting her from the harsh realities of life. She got the job at the FBI quickly, and she was quite happy with her gig at 22.

It had been her second week on the job after graduating from George Mason when she'd first caught sight of the dashing and popular Mike Warren. He had been in a wheelchair the first time she'd seen him, he looked like he was used to maneuvering the black monstrosity, which she later learned he had been instructed to use for a year because of injuries sustained in the field. He was walking two weeks after she saw him in it though. He was six years her senior but he looked like he could be any age with his clear ego and strong opinions. Here's what she had gathered from the office gossip:

He'd gone to Alabama, belonged to the Kappa Sigma fraternity, graduated with honors, attended Quantico and then been shipped off to an undercover house in California where he had one of the most successful rookie years of any agent. He'd made a brief return to DC where he'd risen in ranks. He'd been sleeping with the director before he'd left, but according to her nasty recollections of his placement in Graceland he had quickly abandoned the power hunger director for his partner. She knew he returned because he'd been burned by someone on his team, although she was never quite sure who. She knew he'd returned worse for wear and heart broken, she could tell by his continual grimace and his nightly outings to the bar down the street.

It took her two weeks to gain the courage to talk to him, she followed him to the bar on the corner and when he sat at the bar she slid into the stool next to him,

"You know some of us are worried about you." She'd told him and he'd looked at her with surprise, his eyes sparkling yet so dark that he looked like he was staring into an abyss.

"Don't worry about me, it's not a fixable predicament. " he'd mumbled before downing a whole glass of scotch and slamming the glass down to signal for a refill. He'd sighed softly, ran his hand through his hair and covered his eyes with his hand, his other hand clenched in a fist by his side. She looked at him and bit her lip, before reaching out and putting her hand on his shoulder,

"Well if you ever want to talk, here's my number." She handed him her card and walked off. Mike would be the first to admit he was intrigued by her, she was this mysterious colleague who knew nothing about his past involving Paige, she was a fresh start. It took him two days to call her, and slowly he started to trust her warm brown eyes and tight embrace. He didn't tell her about Paige, because he knew if he did all his feelings for the blonde in California would resurface and he was trying so hard to fight them off. He found himself comparing Sarah to her at every turn, the way they spoke, the way they danced, the way they ate and the way they drank. When he was in bed with her he had a tough time forgetting about the long blonde hair that used to fall in his face as she had kissed his chest. She was a great woman, he didn't notice their age gap, she was educated and ambitious and she made him smile. But she wasn't Paige, and somehow that kept him from ever fully falling for her. He loved her yes, but the love was devoid of any pain or any passion. It was a quiet, calm, easy going kind of love. The exact opposite of the hurricane he had left in California. Sometimes it was refreshing, he liked the way she agreed with him and held his hand and didn't attack him when he was overly romantic. But he missed the bitter words and the snappy fights that had led to the most passionate nights he had ever had. He missed wiping Paige's tears from her face, being the rock and holding her while she was fragile. He missed the way they bickered and the constant sexual innuendo that had flowed so easy between them. He missed pushing the taunt blonde up against a wall and smashing his crimson lips into hers. He missed that spark that had lit up his life for the brief time it had burned.

"I'm pregnant Mike." She had said clearly one morning when she'd met him for breakfast on their way to work, she swallowed, looking at him for any reaction. She saw his jaw set and his eyebrows shoot up. She saw him tense up but she also saw something she hadn't expected, relief. It came briefly and disappeared as quickly as it had shown up.

"You're what?" He'd looked completely blindsided, she wasn't sure why though, they hadn't used condoms in ages. She had been on the pill, though he knew she tended to forget, they had been lucky thus far.

"With baby." She gestured to her stomach and she saw the same flicker in his eyes, she watched as his eyelids closed, his head tipped back and he took a soft breath before he spoke.

"Ok, um, uh, have you thought about what you want?" He asked, stumbling over his words, his eyes connecting with hers.

"I want to keep it." She replied, hoping he wouldn't walk out right then. He didn't, instead he reached across the table, grabbed her hand in his and kissed her,

"Sounds good to me babe." Was all he'd said before they'd paid their bill and drove in a content silence to work. He'd called to tell his parents right away. They had been furious, demanding the young couple get married and move in together so they could have a proper family, Mike thought about it before he'd asked Sarah what she thought. She'd agreed for his parents benefit, but also because she loved the hot, disheveled agent. They had a short engagement, everyone knew she was pregnant (they didn't try to hide it) and everyone was supportive. Her parents had adored the clean cut, good boy, agent who had swooped into their daughters life. Mike however was putting on a facade. God he loved Sarah, he really did, but he would never let go of the California beauty who still held his heart. He smiled throughout the engagement though, held her at night, introduced her to his friends. He did everything a good fiancé would do, and she never doubted his love for her.

The wedding had been a glamorous affair, she had always dreamed of a white picket fence, two kids, a husband and a dog. Of course her wedding fantasy was catered to by Mike at ever turn, they'd held their reception on the lawn by the Jefferson Memorial in the middle of April, cherry blossoms falling around the white table cloths and a bright blue sky the host to the wonderful afternoon. She'd looked like an angel, he'd been able to shove Paige into the dark corners of his mind and fall in love with the 23 year old brunette. They'd gone on a honeymoon to Rome, where they'd lounged in their hotel room and eaten fantastic pasta and pizza. She never once felt like there was a mystery girl still lingering in his mind, she had his whole attention and she saw the jealous glances being sent her way as they strolled through the streets, holding hands and giggling together. They were an enviable couple, two beautiful people in a beautiful relationship. He finally felt happy, at least when he was able to forget his ex.

They'd found out they were having a girl and Mike had been over the moon. He'd gone right out and bought a plethora of pink. He'd been high on excitement for weeks, gloating to everyone they knew that they were having a daughter. When she'd had Grace the look in his eyes had been pure love, for both her and the tiny infant in her arms. He'd kissed her softly and promised her he'd always love her.

Things don't always go as planned, she supposed.

Sarah had wanted a family since she was a little girl. She wanted a husband and kids that would love her unconditionally and would keep her company in her hectic and confusing existence. She thought she was getting that when she married Mike. On paper the couple seemed perfect, they owned a big brick house with a flourishing garden and a white picket fence. Their window boxes were always filled with with bursting colors of roses, the playset out back was perfectly put together, the front porch swing swung outfront of the picture perfect house and the beautiful family of three resided there. Sarah wanted another baby. The surprise that she might be pregnant only a few months after Grace was born had put her over the moon, but the negative result had crumbled her a bit. She and Mike had a talk, all contraception was disposed of in the house, they had their regular date nights and for a year and a half they continued to try with no success. He told her it was probably him, maybe he was too old -although at 30 she doubted that was the problem. So she had gone to her doctor. Sarah had sat with her legs crossed on the examination table, nervously fidgeting like the first time they met, awaiting results. He had come in and sat with her, rubbing her shoulders and telling her no matter what he would always love her. Always. The awful news had come five minutes later, and Sarah's world had fallen down around her. She'd broken into heaving sobs and he'd held her tightly and her tears had soaked his shirt. He didn't know what to say to her, except to let her know he still loved her.

It only took two years for the pairs marriage to start cracking. The more time Sarah spent with him the more she realized she didn't know him. She still loved him, but she heard stories about him before they'd met, stories he'd never told her. The most painful conversation had been a week after she'd gotten the bad news. She'd gone to visit Mike at work but she'd gotten caught up listening to Jess on the phone.

"Yes Agent Warren is here," a brief pause,

"if Ms Arkin wishes to speak with him I recommend she call him herself."

Another silence, "I understand she's not in a state to be making phone calls to the man she loves but she chose to give up his location."

Sarah caught her breath, and Jess continued,

" I know it's part of the program but Agent Warren has an established life here, he can't just drop everything to go back to her so she can apologize. Tell Ms. Arkin that I'm sure a Michael still loves her and that she has no need to apologize."

The person on the other end was clearly upset, because Jess sighed,

"How do I know? Because he still has that damn picture of her on his desk, tell Paige to get better but to not break Mike again. He can't take it." Jess hung up with a eye roll, and Sarah stood outside completely aghast at the conversation.

She knew who Paige was, she knew Mike had once wanted to marry her, she knew everything, or so she thought. She walked quietly into her husbands unoccupied office. She quickly shuffled the pictures around until she saw the faded photograph of the blonde. It was hidden between two family portrait pictures, you could only see it from a certain angle. Sarah stared at it, the faded colors still painting a picture of a leggy blonde with a carefree smile and pink cheeks. The ink on the bottom of the Polaroid photo said simply,

"Paige Graceland 2014"

Sarah let out a soft sigh. She knew he'd been hiding more about the gorgeous girl he never spoke of. She knew right then and there that he was still in love with her. It was the next day that everything fell apart. The combination of her discovery from earlier that week, and Mike's sorrowful demeanor on the day. Hearing her name in his shaking voice being mumbled over the phone broke her heart. He sounded so unstable, so unsure, so upset. She walked away from the doorframe , she had suspected he was growing away from her. He was distant, his eyes wandered in crowds and the only time she saw the passionate loving gaze that used to be sent her way was when he held Grace in his arms. Only once or twice did he say he loved her, and when he did it was quietly and when they were in a group of other couples. He came up with excuses as to why he was too tired for sex, and she noticed he stayed up late reading thick manila folders marked DEA. She found them one day, when he wasn't home, and flipped them open. The name at the top made her heard sink. In nice blocky lettering the name Paige Arkin was printed underneath the words "supervisory agent". Her loopy signature down at the bottom and his partners name was signed underneath "advising FBI agent.". He was looking at his partners case files, who seemed to be assisting in a DEA investigation. The fact that his name wasnt anywhere on the documents meant the girl probably had no clue he was helping her with her cases. The awkwardness between him and her didn't ever really disappear, it just hung in the air over any conversation they had. They bickered more, Grace got used to her parents snappy exchanges.

It was her birthday, her 27th, when he came home early. He'd gone straight to her room and pulled her close to him,

"I'm so sorry." He had whispered into her hair. "God I never wanted us to hate each other. I miss you Sarah, I miss you and they way we used to be." He'd been tearing up, she had pulled him towards her and kissed him deeply, missing and craving his lips. They couple fell quickly into bed, making up for the past months of hatred. She felt so at peace when they finished but the damage was already done. She'd slept with her boss, started an affair, and she was too deep in to get back out. She looked at her husband, his angular jaw and the stress lines on his young face. He looked tired and stressed and she wondered if she'd been too hard on him and had pushed him away. The next morning, when Grace had been dropped off and the dust had settled she had approached him in the living room. He had that damn brown box in his hands, his finger running over the creases in the wood.

"Last night was a mistake wasn't it." She said softly not as a question but as a statement.

"Yeah." He replied, his head in his hands. She sat next to him and resisted the tears that were brimming in her eyes, she rubbed his shoulder and leaned against him. He pressed himself against her, welcoming her touch and allowing himself to melt in her arms. Sarah could feel him give up. She could point to moments when she had thought they were doomed, but the realization that hit her as her badass agent husband cried against her shoulder was something that she'd never be able to let go of. She put on a brave face and continued on with her day.

She wanted to leave it alone, but one night, when Mike was out and Grace was sound asleep she noticed his open computer in the kitchen. She'd let her curiosity get the best of her and she'd quickly typed in the name that had been haunting her marriage for years. The results that came up did not surprise her, there was a few "personal misconduct" complaints filed against Mike and Paige for their "personal agendas and inability to separate personal life from work". Her name also came up on many closed cases, often praising her wonderful work ethic and strong sense of right and wrong. It was the last document that came up that Sarah was surprised by, in all the years she and Mike had been married he'd never fully told her why he had left California. She started to read it and her throat went dry. The report detailed the extensive torture Agent Michael Warren had gone through at the hands of Sid, and it clearly faulted his partner for misconduct. She had given up Mike's whereabouts, which caused him to be tortured and to flatline in the hospital not once, but three times. It explained the injuries he'd suffered, and the recovery process he had withstood. Sarah wondered how Mike could love someone who had quite literally broken him into pieces. There was one thing on file that confused Sarah though, about two weeks after Mike's discharge from the hospital Paige had been admitted into the hospital under emergency status. There was nothing else on her, just the one night stay and her subsequent release. Sarah sighed, closed out the search and returned to wallowing in her unhappy marriage.

Grace was sick. That's all Mike had told Sarah when he'd made a frantic phone call from their home to her workplace. Sarah had quickly buttoned up her blouses apologized to her boss/boyfriend and dashed home, racing and breaking every speed limit possible. She rushed into the house, and saw her four year old daughter pale in Mike's arms. He was on the phone with their pediatrician, and had her cuddled deep on his chest. He acknowledged Sarah's entrance with a nod towards the sleeping child. Sarah had quickly come and taken her from Mike's arms, and looked at him for instruction. The pediatrician had walked them through what was probably happening. Saying that she was probably fighting off the bout of flu she had battled a week prior. She slowly returned to her normal color, after they made her drink juice and eat. And as she slept silently next to Sarah in the massive bed, Sarah felt empty. She'd kissed her daughters forehead, and crept to her husbands name.

"Come to bed honey." She said softly, Mike had sat up instantly.

"Are you sure?" He'd asked and she had smiled weakly,

"You are an amazing father and a wonderful man. I will always love you Michael Warren." She's almost whispered, she felt tears fill her eyes and she was quickly embraced in his strong arms,

"God I love you Sarah." He'd whispered into her hair, she looked up at him, starry eyed and feeling weak.

"Who is she Mike?" Her voice cracked and he brushed a comforting finger down her cheek, wiping away her tear.

"Paige was my first real love. She and I had everything, we loved each other unconditionally, there was never any doubt in our minds that we'd end up back together someday. But things change, people change, she changed I changed. I have a beautiful wife and a perfect daughter, I'm trying to forget her Sarah but you've gotta be patient." He said in a breathy tone, she looked up at him with her wide eyes,

"Mike you're never gonna stop loving her, that's okay with me, as long as you love Grace. I want you to be happy and if that means signing divorce papers and letting you go find her that's what I'm going to do." Sarah replied, biting her lip and running her hand down his bicep, "god I love you Mike Warren but you love her."

"Sarah..." His voice faded off when he saw the flash of guilt in her eyes,"what?" He looked at her,

"I slept with someone else." She said cautiously, she saw him go dark and then soften,

"Slept as in once?" He asked eyebrows drawn,

"Sleeping, I'm sleeping with someone else and I think I love him." She said softly, he'd looked at her,eyes dark and hurt all over his face. He'd walked past her and out the door into the dark of the night. That was their last night in love, two weeks later Paige Arkin had come flying back into his life, and Sarah could tell from the beginning.


	8. Chapter 8

Authors Note: I'm actually from DC so I included some real places in this chapter.

Life is just one big miracle made up of thousands of tiny little miracles. -Anon

He watches her in the darkness of the night, happily spinning around with a gleeful smile seemingly free of all stress and worries. Her blonde hair was growing out again and her eyes had regained their playful shine. She looked absolutely beautiful in her long flowing gray dress and bare feet dancing in the grass by the Potomac River. He turned to Grace, who was asleep on his chest and kissed her forehead, appreciating the two beautiful girls in his life. The trip to the riverside had capped what had been truly one of the hardest weeks of their lives.

On Monday he and Paige had gone to her 16 week check up, excited and ansty to find out their baby's gender. Unfortunately the doctor had noticed something other than the gender of the tiny fetus.

"What's that?" Paige asked softly, she saw the quick fear flash through her doctor's eyes when the small grainy image illuminated the screen. There was a tiny white dot that seemed to be new appearing on the screen. The doctor had swallowed hard and Mike had looked at him in terror as he cleared his throat.

"It's sometimes a marker for abnormalities or disabilities, sometimes it's nothing." The doctor had explained slowly,

"Abnormalities?! Disabilities?! Last time we were here it was perfectly healthy." Mike had exclaimed; Paige clenched her hand in his, staring the doctor down and her stomach tied in knots.

"Like I said Mr. Warren, sometimes it's nothing, we can do an amniocentesis to check but of course that procedure also cause complications" offered up,

"I want it done right now." Paige demanded and Mike looked at her with a worried expression,

"Are you sure sweetheart?" He double checked and she nodded hard, "Doctor is there any chance of getting that done today?"

"I can squeeze you in right now actually." Dr Murray said with a tight smile,

"Perfect." Mike replied, leaving a kiss on Paige's forehead before excusing himself out of the room so that she could have the privacy he knew she wanted while they performed the procedure. He couldn't sit still and wait though. He was pacing through the halls when Doctor Murray finally came out of the operating room.

"Make sure she doesn't move around too much for a few days. Bed rest is the best way to discourage miscarriage after amnios." He told Mike, who's throat dried at the word miscarriage. He walked in and helped Paige into a wheelchair to take her home.

Paige hated bed rest, she hated feeling helpless and she hated depending on Mike for everything. He was waiting on her hand and foot, and catering to her every need. It was probably around midnight when she felt him cuddle into bed next to her. He started rubbing her shoulders and she felt the tension melt slowly from his touch.

"Mike what if something's wrong?" She said quietly, turning her big eyes towards him and finding him in the dim light.

"If something is wrong we'll handle it together. But don't stress remember Dr Murray said it could be nothing." He kissed her forehead, and she sighed softly and snuggled into him. They snuggled underneath the thick comforter, and he laid his hand on top of hers, letting her fingers wrap around his as she fell asleep. Mike however was up all night. His mind was racing, all of the things that could be wrong, how on earth he could provide for a child with special needs when his job demanded so much of his time and her's was so dangerous. How Grace would react if her new baby sibling wasn't "normal" like her, what she would say. He thought about the finances that a disabled kid would require and he was terrified. But what he was most worried about was Paige. She had already lost one child because of him and he prayed to God that she wouldn't lose another because of the amnio. He just wanted their baby to be healthy and happy, he never wanted him or her to have to suffer or struggle to live a normal life.

Two days later, after a long and grueling two nights of restlessness and brave face, the phone rang; Mike answered it immediately.

"Hello?" He said quietly, trying not to wake Paige.

"Hi this is Doctor Murray's office. The results of 's amniocentesis are back. Your son is perfectly healthy Mr. Warren." The lady on the other end said and Mike grinned,

"Thank you so much, I'll tell her right away." He hung up the phone quickly and softly shook Paige awake,

"Paige wake up" he said quietly and she blinked her eyes open and she saw the smile on his face and just knew. "Our son," he emphasized the word son, "is perfectly healthy."

She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. He pulled her in tight and finally let out the breath he'd been holding, allowing all his worries to melt away.

They thought the worst was behind them after the baby was cleared of health issues but what happened at Grace's preschool blindsided them both. Paige was showing and she had stopped trying to hide the fact that she and Mike were involved in an affair. So far the backlash had been minimal:

At work Mike was given dirty looks and the stern talk from the higher ups about his image and how he needed to be a better example for the younger agents. Mike had been hot after that, telling them they didn't understand the situation and had no right to scold him for his private life. Paige was called a whore and a slut and a mistress all to her face. She had started crying a few times and Mike had been there to comfort her. Eventually the chatter has quieted, around the same time she had stopped wearing loose clothing and had put on a brave face and walked into work everyday with everyone's eyes on her expanding form. But they hadn't accounted for the scrutiny that the neighborhood moms had put them under. Paige had gone to pick Grace up with Mike and that's when it had come out.

"Daddy, Elizabeth told me you were a dirty cheating scumbag and that Paige was a dirty whore. What do those words mean daddy?" She had asked in an innocent voice, Paige had started crying (her hormones were psychotic and very up and down) and Mike had tensed up.

"Don't repeat those words Gracie they're not nice." He had told her,

"But daddy Elizabeth and Amber were saying them during lunch time!" She had exclaimed, Paige had started crying harder and Mike had made up his mind right then,

"Grace stay with Paige ok?" He instructed and she nodded, running to wrap her hands around Paige's leg. Paige reached down and smoothed the small brunette hair, trying not to cry anymore.

Mike stomped feverishly over to the two mothers who were standing off to the side awaiting their daughters release. He walked close to them and said in an eerie whisper, "we need to talk." The women had both swallowed hard and followed him around the corner away from the swarm of kids. "Your daughters are talking about my private life to my daughter using profanities that I would prefer my daughter not pick up. If you would like to talk shit about me and my family and our personal business please be cautious about who you do it around because when my 4 year old comes out of preschool and tells my girlfriend that other 4 year olds are calling her a dirty whore not only does Grace have no clue what she's saying but Paige doesn't deserve any of the shit people are giving her. Everyone knew my marriage was over ages before Paige showed up and continuing to talk trash about her is putting too much stress on her and the baby especially after the scares we've had she doesn't need anymore stress to add to her worries do you understand me?" Mike lectured in a deep and gruff voice. The women stared at him, looking shell shocked. He didn't wait for their responses, instead he turned around and left the two with their jaws wide open.

It has been a long fucking week and they were exhausted. Mike suggested on a whim their little escapade to the cute Old Town Alexandria just down the road from their apartment; they had packed up a picnic and driven there just as the sky started to darken with rain clouds. Grace had wanted to feed the ducks and walk around the Torpedo Factory (it's a very hip art museum) so they walked down to the riverside and fended off the rain drops as they ate their ice cream. A small old lady, with gray curls and bright blue eyes had walked over to Paige and complimented their beautiful family and Paige had smiled so much after that. It was a perfect night, for a perfect little family to end a hellish week.


End file.
